Aside from health and personal issues in my life, this year has been a struggle socially as I have dealt with the loss of friends I once considered close. The divide over our political and spiritual beliefs proved to be too much for the relationships again and again.
People whom I thought were genuine friends and would accept me, faults and all, proved that they weren’t friends at all and had ulterior motives. Let me be clear, I am not a shallow or a selfish person who only wants to be around others who believe exactly as I do, I tend to like differences and understand the opportunity to learn and grow as a person.
I have a lot of friends and family who I disagree with politically and spiritually, yet we still respect one another and are there for each other, especially in times of need. However, others demand their way and refuse to listen have quickly fallen away from my life, because they were never really my friend after all (Proverbs 17:17).
Friendship means different things to each of us, I guess. I tend to value honesty, loyalty, and empathy over common interests and time together. Growing up as an Army brat, I didn’t have the opportunity to make deep friends until my father retired from the Army.
Even then, I was seen as an outsider because I had different childhood experiences and values. Settling down in the Southeast, I couldn’t relate to their way of life, sports preference, or even tastes in food.
I still made some lifelong friends whom I still talk to today, and they are shoulders to cry on. In college, I would meet others with different cultures and lifestyles from the typical southern salt-and-pepper mindset. Those friendships gave me an opportunity to experience different cultures and beliefs that left me wanting to learn more and to grow as a person. My college years helped me understand that differences are an opportunity to help us grow in life.
It wasn’t until after my accident that I learned resistance and struggles help us to grow physically and mentally. I learned the importance of challenging ourselves daily to help stimulate brain cells and to speed up recovery. Now I understand how pressure and resistance are what forces our muscles to grow; without them, our body and muscles can atrophy. I have learned to be thankful for the hardships.
The path of least resistance can literally make us weak and lazy if we avoid challenges and hardships in life. That is why, for nearly 30 years, I have sought out challenges in life and in my faith to help me grow physically and spiritually.
In college, I learned the psychology of how hardships, struggles, and relationships help people to grow and become stronger. Working through hardships requires more communication and understanding between two people.
Likewise, it takes more communication to get to know people who are different from us, and individuals who avoid confrontation tend to be selfish and stubborn.
As a writer, I’ve learned that conflict and friction are the fuel for a story; without them, a story has no purpose or fuel to continue. Conflict in stories is what develops characters and their goal. The same principle applies to our friendships and relationships.
Why would I search for someone to date who is just like me? I can do it all day by myself. New relationships are an opportunity to grow and learn. That is how God designed the relationship between man and woman when He made them different (Genesis 1:27; 2:18-25). My God can bring different things together into a new one.
I grew up with the understanding that the only way people can always agree is if one of them is lying, because they are afraid of conflict. We are created to be different, not to fake being like everyone else or what we want to be.
Anything that is fake cannot take the pressure or the struggles they experience. Fake things and people will not stand the test of time. Most of us have had friends who came into our lives and then exited almost as fast in life. I know the fakes won’t show me love again.
We’ve all experienced HEARTACHE of the loss and wasted time. A few years ago I endured the loss and betrayal of some Christian friends. An olderbrother in the faith reminded me with a heavy heart that Jesus was betrayed by His closest friends also. The same Jesus warned us that believers will face persecution and hardships in this life (Matthew 5:10-12, Luke 6:22-23, John 15:18-20). Don’t worry, it is okay if people come and go.
The New Testament writers and Jesus warned us that in the last days, friends and family will betray each other (Matthew 24:10, Mark 13:12, Luke 21:6, 1 Timothy 3:1-5). There will be fake teachers and prophets who deceive God’s people (2 Timothy 4:3-4, 2 Peter 2:1-3). I am in a season now where I trust and believe God, for not everyone who claims to be a Christian.
Jesus Himself will separate the fakes (tares and goats) from His real sheep (Matthew 25:1-46, Luke 3:17). I am reminded that God is true and faithful to hold His sheep together, because He is not like our fallen and fake friends.
